Whoville…..Not Confusing the Who with the Do, by Patti Huffman, Counselor at Wilson County's Adult High School

Have you had that student who won’t do what you need them to do? Or the student who does what you need them not to do? Well, the secret is not to confuse the “Who” with the “Do”!

Why might they do what they do? Or….don’t?!

Yes, students must take responsibility for their own actions. And yes, there are times that life is so overwhelming that school does not matter to them because they are just trying to survive.

She had a baby last year, her mom is on disability, her brother is on drugs, and her dad just found out that his cancer is back. And the teacher complains, “She never comes to school! ….. And she NEVER has her work completed when she does!”

Mom is bipolar, and the student is afraid he is too. Dad is in jail and mom can’t hold a job. Mom sends him to get her drugs from the local drug dealer, and he gets busted by the cops. He is so hungry because mom sells their EBT card for drug money. And the teachers chides, “You never have paper and pencil when you come to class!”

As she walks down the hallway, she endures a barrage of slurs. She tries to not be noticed, but somehow they see her and attack. She battles depression and has started cutting herself. Mom says she only wants attention. Could part of it be related to the fact Mom is never home except when she moves a boyfriend in?  And all the guys beat her mom. Regardless, the student has to help care for, feed, and prepare her younger brothers for the next day of school. And feeding them is tricky. When there is not enough food, she doesn’t eat so that they can have more. So, she gets made fun of because of her clothes and being so skinny.  Mom tells her that she will never graduate….she is too stupid. And the teachers barks, “What is wrong with you? Sit up and pay attention!”

This is the reality that some of your students are dealing with every day. These are real scenarios. Your students are facing them even if you don’t realize it.

Here are a few ideas to reach those darling little whos!

 1.  Get to know that special “Who” in your classroom

• Find out what is going on in his/her life, where his/her talents and interests lie, and/or what you have in common. With that knowledge, it is easier to slip a comment about these into lessons or simple greetings when they enter your room.

2.  Separate the “Who” from the “Do”

• Address the behavior in such a way as to make clear that behavior is unacceptable, not the person.  They need to know that no matter what they do or do not do, you will care about them as a person. Remember, they don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

 3.  Call his/her parent, guardian, grandparent early in the semester

• Calling the authority figure in that student’s life might make all the difference. Sometimes it can be difficult to reach someone, but when you do, they may provide the correction or incentive at home, or they may provide insight that changes your approach to their behavior. At some point, we have all said, “If I had known that, I would’ve handled that totally different!

4.  Set S.M.A.R.T.  Goals with your Who

     For example:

• I will read an on-grade level book with 85% mastery by Oct. 22
• I will learn 60 sight words by next Friday
• I will label the parts of a cell with 80% mastery by Sept. 5th

• Set a goal to keep in mind to speak positives to that student. Be sure to celebrate/reward the student for achieving the goals and then set new goals

This requires you invest some time, but that student is going to demand your time anyway. Why not invest time so it is more productive and less combative? If it works, you both win. You just might change that child’s life…and transform a family tree forever!

As an educator, I have been told, “You can’t save them all.” My response is, “Well, I’m going to try!”